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Change, About Me

02 Jun

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There is change about me

flux around me

shifts beneath my feet

 

Parents get older

daughters move out

sons leave junior high

 

I busy with details

keep up a momentum of equations

stop myself from stopping to cry

 

They want to stay in their house

she mourns her old room

he thrills at his turn in it

 

I think of long-held mortgages

of fathers with Alzheimer’s

of mothers with strokes and Fiestaware

 

We talk (awkwardly) of new small houses

of downsizing soon-old homes

of purging the hoardings of long adulthood

 

I think of how I mothered them

of performances, laughter, camping

of busy careers, unblended families, short tempers

 

We talk of new small apartments

of downsizing soon-old rooms

of purging the hoardings of childhood

 

We marvel at the brink of high school

I remember her pulling away and know

when he does they’ll be no young one for me

 

The tears they surprise me

the heaviness it slows me

the maternal loneliness it scares me and yet

 

‘This is the order of things’

I try to find stillness there

I don’t find stillness on shifting ground

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4 Comments

Posted by on June 2, 2011 in Families, Feminism, Motherhood, Parenting

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Change, About Me

  1. r4dic4lf3mm3

    June 2, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Transitions are tough. I surprising found myself teary eyed at my middle child’s elementary school graduation/honor’s day. She starts middle school next year, my oldest starts high school, and my youngest will soon be starting preschool. Although all this change is exciting, in ways it feels like they are slipping away. I am going through a faze currently where my older children want me around a lot and tell me almost everything that is going on in their lives (this is not the norm for our relationship, usually they do their thing and I do mine.) I know that this closeness at the moment is likely fleeting and it makes me sad. It won’t be long till they are all three off to college.

     
  2. Dr. Mama

    June 2, 2011 at 10:51 pm

    transitions are tough. yes they are. i’m teary eyed over all of them, and most of the points between (i wish i were kidding). and yes, the momentary closeness is fleeting, but the moments that follow it are just as fleeting, so it comes back around (and then goes back out again). i talk about this in my “ebb and flow” post from April 4. thanks r4dic4lf3mm3 for reading, and for commenting.

     
  3. Patrick Cronin

    June 4, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    you so beautifully capture in picture words the feelings of change that are so much a part of being a parent, a son/daughter nnd a partner. I so admire your work

     
  4. Mamanym

    June 8, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Simple beautiful Dr. Mama

     

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