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Good Reviews on Breaking Taboos

21 Jul

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Warning:  Portions of this post may be offensive to some viewers.  Though I don’t know why.

One of the best things to happen to my summer was the release of the Adam Mansbach’s new bedtime story book, Go the F**k to Sleep, illustrated by Ricardo Cortés. Debuted in June as a New York Times bestseller, the book has received popular acclaim and was picked up by Samuel L. Jackson who offered his narration to the work.  I cannot imagine that I need to explain what the book is about.  Any parent who has ever tried to put a child to sleep has failed miserably at it, so the title and the gist of its contents are self-evident to most.  If you’re still curious, you can listen to Samuel L’s rendition of it.  Even if you’re clear on what the book’s about—in fact, even if you’ve read it—go ahead and enjoy it again, bathed in that wonderfully nasal voice of Samuel L.   Perfectly encapsulating the struggle of what one reviewer on the book’s back cover called parenting’s “rawest point: bedtime,” Mansbach’s book offers a rare but welcome  view of the great emotional and physiological investment that parents have in rendering children unconscious through sleep and sweet dreams each evening.  Wait a minute—what am I talking about?  “Evening,” my a**.  I mean each night.  My kids never went to bed in the “evening.”  Far into the night, maybe.  Middle of the day maybe, like right when I got to the grocery store maybe, prompting some other kid’s mom to croon all over us about how my poor little thing just wants to be home in her bed.  Uh, yeah.  So does her mother.  And believe me, her mother has NO interest in the stinking grocery store getting to suck up my kid’s sleep time, which means no chance of me sitting in silence for twenty minutes, or getting a little shut-eye myself, thank you very much.  So don’t even.

Anyway.  The book.  It’s a terrific interweaving of tenderness and rage, which you might think can’t be interwoven very effectively, but you’d be wrong and Mansbach’s book proves it. It takes the reader through a cycle of emotion that the futility of bedtime offers up:

Tenderness

Irritation

Rage

Defeat and failure

Fleeting accomplishment

Defeat

It properly names their lies about being thirsty, and their manipulations of needing a stuffed animal.  It accurately pegs how we inaccurately turn the effects of these lies and manipulations into evidence of our bad parenting.  The juxtaposition of snuggling lions, sleepy towns, dozing kittens, curled-up field mice, sort of everything in the universe from seeds in a farmer’s garden to the “giant pangolins of Madagascar,” all of which are fast asleep, quiet and blissfully not conscious, up against the wide-eyed child and the bleary-eyed parent who’s really and truly losing it, is delightful.  And the profanity in the last line of each page is just so scrumptious, not only because it captures the churning frustration of bedtime attempts that fail, but also because it breaks taboos about how we’re supposed to be thinking about and speaking to the little darlings.  I am, as my readers know, a huge fan of breaking these taboos.  And I feel a special affection for works that do this with potty mouth and while making me laugh out loud to the point of getting teary-eyed. 

Speaking of which, I am reminded here of one of the funniest things I have ever seen, funny and delightful in its boldness and willingness to stomp on parenting practices we hold sacred, in this case the practice of adoring children’s work, no matter how it turned out.  That I’ve shared my affection for it with few people until now is an indication of my struggle in seeing parenting differently than most of those around me.  It is a scathing, partly tongue-in-cheek critique of children’s artwork offered online by a random co-worker somewhere who goes by “Maddox” at his pompously titled website: thebestpageintheuniverse.net.  Maddox resents having to adore his co-workers’ children’s drawings, which they display on their desks and cubicle walls.  He posts multiple examples of the artwork and offers his bitter commentary for each.  I love the page not because I advocate its worldview and not because it isn’t rude and over-the-top and self-aggrandizing and even mean—because it’s all of those—but because it says things so antithetical to our fetishized image of family that I find it as refreshing as an extra-large, ice-cold, fountain Diet Coke; I want to drink in every last drop.  It’s a page that must be seen firsthand to be properly savored but, to offer a glimpse, my favorite image is of an eight year-old child’s drawing of a firetruck to which “Maddox” flings “Ding Ding!  Here comes the sh*t-mobile” and goes on to assault various elements of the drawing.  It’s harsh, man.  But hilarious.  It flies in the face of so much that is held sacred in mothering.  That children require less of our applause and our oozing and our intrusion than we insist on thrusting at them and exhaust ourselves to provide is a position that much of the U.S. parenting mythos simply cannot abide.  And our insistence on continuing to drown them in it is so insane and so inane that it takes an unforgiving, even cruel commentary like that offered by Maddox to get us to see it.

Similarly, that children want more of our time and patience and energy than we have to give is so crystal clear, but regrettably so taboo that we can’t cop to it thus offering up some solidarity and solace, is really criminal.  And it takes the persistent tender rage portrayed in Mansbach and Cortés’ book to get us to admit it, even if through teary-eyed laughter.  I’m hopeful that Mansbach’s book incites a riot of similar books and that, frankly, it opens doors for my own new book idea, Parenting Sorta Sucks.

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4 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Families, Feminism, Motherhood, Parenting

 

Tags: , , , ,

4 responses to “Good Reviews on Breaking Taboos

  1. Christy Buckles

    July 21, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Best post yet! I have seen both the book and the children’s artwork website and found myself in tears as well. Better yet, the person that referred me to both of these resources was a friend of mine and mother of two that I had pegged for the “perfect mother”. Boy was I relieved to know that she shared my plight and my subversive sense of humor.
    Parenthood cannot be navigated successfully and with sane minds still intact without a sense of humor. So lighten up everyone for we all ride on the sh*tmobile of life from time to time.

     
  2. Patrick Cronin

    July 21, 2011 at 11:41 am

    A great post! A must read for all!

     
  3. Kelly

    July 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    I adore both the book and the website you mentioned. They both have given me vehicles, outlets for my frustration over–supposedly–having to be simultaneously adoring and ever-energized when it comes to my son. Thanks for bringing these resources to the attention of other parents!

     
  4. r4dic4lf3mm3

    July 22, 2011 at 1:43 am

    If there was a 24 hour bookstore I would go and buy this book right now. My two year old didn’t go the fuck to sleep till midnight tonight and is now at 1:40am crowding me out of my own bed. I could really use a laugh about right now! Thanks!

     

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